I’m growing magical mushrooms in my front yard. Not on purpose of course, unless you count grossly neglecting basic lawn care until mushrooms start growing as “on purpose”. I know this because yesterday when I came home from running errands in town I found my 60 year old neighbor from across the cul- da-sac yelling at a stoner kid….in my front yard. Their argument went as follows:
SharonP: THEY’RE PSYCHEDELIC MUSHROOMS!!
Stoner Kid (in the most stoner kid voice you can imagine): they’re not psychedelic, man, they’re totally not!
SharonP: PSYCHEDELIC MUSHROOMS!!1!!ONE!
StonerKid: they’re for my biology class-
SharonP: I’M CALLING THE POLICE!!!
And with that StonerKid got on his bike took his “not psychedelic” mushrooms and got the heck out of there, flipping Sharon and I the bird as he sped away. I was still standing in my driveway blinking in confusion as to what had just happened.
Later Sharon came over to point out my magical mushrooms to me. I ohhed and ahhed and acted very shocked, but the truth is I had actually suspected that they were magical mushrooms when I first saw them the day before. Not because I know what magical mushrooms look like (I can quite honestly say I’m totally clueless with anything drug related and plan to remain so), but because I had heard the entire neighborhood has issues with magical mushrooms growing in the lawns and the trespassing dirty hippies that go along with them.
Truthfully, I find that pretty awesome, not because I’m pro dirty hippy or magical mushroom, but because this is probably the nicest neighborhood in Monroe. People think they’re very fancy living in their fancy boxes made of ticky tacky…and the lawns are infested with magical mushrooms and dirty hippies.
Is it wrong that I kinda want them back? I mean, it’s not like I’m going to EAT them, it’s just on principle! You don’t see me showing up in front of StonerKids
house yurt and taking things out of HIS yard whatever it is that hippies have instead of yards, do you?
So I guess my task for tomorrow is to rid my lawn of mushrooms, which should be pretty easy, all I really need to do is mow the lawn, plus a little fungiside I think. The drum circle and sit in are going to be a little tougher to eliminate though, anyone have ideas on that?
PS: Side note this is what I found when I googled “hippie yard” to try to figure out what it is that hippies have instead of yards http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Nocturnal_Hippie_Artist
Awesome. “The Chair Incident” is my favorite part, although I can’t say I remember that happening to me.