Monthly Archives: June 2012

iPhone Withdrawal

Well I’ve gone and done it this time. After a good two years of abuse, my iphone 4 took a relatively harmless looking plunge off of my desk and it broke the lcd.

Yah. That.

It’s only been a couple of days and I’m already getting twitchy without it! The screen sorta kinda works, but everything is inside out and backwards and it gives me a headache to look at. Am I still using it? Hell yah!

I’ve decided, partially because I’m batshit crazy, but mostly because I’m cheap broke , to do the repair myself. This handy video has some good instructions:

Too long; didn’t watch: You have to disassemble the whole fucking phone. Seriously.

I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty though, in the not so distant past I decided to rebuild the carburator on my old truck…on the kitchen table. My mother was not blessed.

I ordered this really awesome tool kit with tiny screwdrivers and prying tools and a suction cup and some other things that look like guitar pics (they probably are actually). After they shipped the kit I get an email saying “oh by the way, there are some shipping issues we already knew about and it’s going to take like two weeks longer to get to you than we originally said. Is that alright?”. Is me paying in monopoly money alright?  These people are selling kits to fix a smashed to heck iphone, I feel like they should realize their customers are flipping desperate phone junkies who are going through withdrawals. Asking them to wait TWO WEEKS for the kit to repair their precious might as well be asking for an eternity.

So I’ll just have to use my own tiny screwdrivers and guitar pics and find my own gentle prying device…because  the replacement screen & lcd are out for delivery RIGHT. NOW.

Wish me luck…I think I’ll be needing it.

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Midnight Munchkin Attack

Super Sexy Boyfriend Luke has two beautiful little girls who live with him two weeks out of the month. They’re his of course, I’m not saying he just has these cute random little girls who come and pester him and eat his food…that’s my job. I haven’t come up with clever nicknames for them yet, so I’ll just call them K & L.

I love them to death, but not having little ones of my own, there have been some things that have taken getting used to. Mostly the way that they’ll show up in his bedroom in the middle of the night. Not because of…reasons *nudge nudge wink wink*, but because they’re absolutely stealthy about it  until they are RIGHT NEXT to the bed. Only then do they say something that wakes me up. And my un-baby-seasoned system, not accustomed to tiny people waking me up at night, is CONVINCED that anyone who is suddenly in the room MUST be an axe murderer.

K (silently moving across the house and appearing beside the bed): …………DADDY I FREW UP! 😦

Me (jumping out of my skin into adrenaline pounding fight or flight mode because theres an invader in the room): AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!



I’m getting better though, earlier this week L came into the room crying that her pillow pet wasn’t in her bed (it had fallen next to the bed) and I did NOT leap up and try to karate chop her, so that’s an improvement.

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A great cat name, or the best cat name of all time?

Four score and seven years ago, back when I was living in a McMansion with no furniture, I worked with my best friend “Roo” in a pet food store. We didn’t sell animals at The Pet Food Store which was cool because my view of puppy stores is about the same as puppy mills, which is about the same as cancerous sores. What we did do isadopt out kittens and cats through a local rescue which is way more awesome because the kitties come fixed & with all their shots. And also because we could decide not to give you a cat if you say “supposedly” “supposably”. Just kidding, we would never turn someone down for saying “supposably”, but drop an “irregardless” and you are right out.

All of our kitties also came with names that are usually picked by the rescue. The rescue sucked at naming cats. One kitty we had was named (100% serious about this)… Catcat. I desperately wanted someone cool to adopt Catcat just so that she could get the dignity of a decent name.

I shared my hope for Catcat to a cat loving customer. “Well,” he said “Its better than Clamidia.” which is a difficult point to argue since MOST things are better than a venereal disease but begs the question …WHAATT??!?!

Apparently he had been at a shelter and came upon a cat that the rescue had named (you guessed it) Clamidia. And they could NOT figure out what he found so funny. We, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious and fantastically awkward. Imagine the awesomeness/terrible misunderstandings a name like that would lead to:

I went to the cat rescue and got Clamidia.

My wife was lonely so I got Clamidia for her.

I paid $100 to get Clamidia.

Now that we have Clamidia our house feels like a home.


My best guess was that someone thought they were naming her after a flower and were terribly, terribly wrong. Either that or they totally got it and were in the back making jokes like we were:

That last couple looked like they were interested in getting Clamidia.

We could give Clamidia to that old woman!

We finally got rid of our Clamidia.

I would totally adopt that cat and keep her name. I’d call her Clap for short.

As for having the best cat name of all time, Clamidia only has one contender that I’ve heard of, and its tough competition: Roo’s former cat, Poonani.

I could go there, I really could, but I won’t.

You’re welcome.

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100 Days to Get My Shit Together

I was having a bit of an existential freak out today. How bad was it? I actually googled “how to get my shit together”.  Which you would think would not be helpful at all (what the hell does google know about my shit?*), but it turned up this blog post which, despite being all old and broken, it set off a lightbulb in my head. Instead of just saying “I really wish I could  get my shit together” I need a specific plan, a set time, and to be held accountable to really make it happen. This may seem like a “no duh” thing for lots of people, but it was a total “ah ha!” moment for me.

This is something that I put into practice lately without even realizing it. Super sexy boyfriend Luke is doing a 12 mile mud run of torture called Tough Mudder later this year. I’ve been supportive of him in a cheerleader sort of way, but a few months ago he told me about another mud run that was coming up that he was going to enter for practice “It’s only a 5k…YOU could do it with me!” and for some bizarre reason I agreed. Just to clarify something, I DON’T run, at all…or at least I didn’t. I had always thought “Oh it would be nice to be fit enough to run 5k” but had never put it into action. Now I had a set date I NEEDED to, plus Luke to keep me accountable. The plan came in the way of a “Couch to 5k” app. I was a little skeptical I would be able to do it even down to the wire, but when the day came I was all over it!

So in the same way I’m going after the getting together of my shit. While 100 days may not be enough to totally change my life, there hopefully will be some substantial changes. According to 100 days from now is Tuesday, September 18, 2012. So today is day 1.

Day 1

Right now the plan is to make a plan. I grabbed a moleskin journal and I even put a title page on it (does anyone else NEED a new notebook and the perfect pencil to undertake projects? I know I do :-P). Now, I’m looking to you, my 1.5 readers for some accountability! If you come to this blog a while from now and don’t see any action on this, feel free to nag me!! First thing to do is figure out what shit needs to be gotten together and figure out a plan for it. I’ll update you all more when I know what the hell I’m talking about.




*probably everything. It’s GOOGLE.

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Friday Foto: Voltair

Oh dearie, has it been a whole week now? I’ll work on that! Here’s a pretty horse to appease you 😉

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Friday Foto: Sammy

I’m going to try something fun (or at least I think it’s fun) and post a photo weekly here. I probably won’t say too much about it, I’ll just let the photo speak for itself. I might do the same on my business blog, god knows how badly I suck at keeping it updated :-p So let’s begin:

I’ll start with a collage of Samantha (Sammy/ Samantha Pants/ Pants/ Dingo Dog/ Ding) because she hasn’t been introduced and she is my heart.

Look at that! I’m a real photographer and everything 😉

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