A great cat name, or the best cat name of all time?

Four score and seven years ago, back when I was living in a McMansion with no furniture, I worked with my best friend “Roo” in a pet food store. We didn’t sell animals at The Pet Food Store which was cool because my view of puppy stores is about the same as puppy mills, which is about the same as cancerous sores. What we did do isadopt out kittens and cats through a local rescue which is way more awesome because the kitties come fixed & with all their shots. And also because we could decide not to give you a cat if you say “supposedly” “supposably”. Just kidding, we would never turn someone down for saying “supposably”, but drop an “irregardless” and you are right out.

All of our kitties also came with names that are usually picked by the rescue. The rescue sucked at naming cats. One kitty we had was named (100% serious about this)… Catcat. I desperately wanted someone cool to adopt Catcat just so that she could get the dignity of a decent name.

I shared my hope for Catcat to a cat loving customer. “Well,” he said “Its better than Clamidia.” which is a difficult point to argue since MOST things are better than a venereal disease but begs the question …WHAATT??!?!

Apparently he had been at a shelter and came upon a cat that the rescue had named (you guessed it) Clamidia. And they could NOT figure out what he found so funny. We, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious and fantastically awkward. Imagine the awesomeness/terrible misunderstandings a name like that would lead to:

I went to the cat rescue and got Clamidia.

My wife was lonely so I got Clamidia for her.

I paid $100 to get Clamidia.

Now that we have Clamidia our house feels like a home.

Awesome.

My best guess was that someone thought they were naming her after a flower and were terribly, terribly wrong. Either that or they totally got it and were in the back making jokes like we were:

That last couple looked like they were interested in getting Clamidia.

We could give Clamidia to that old woman!

We finally got rid of our Clamidia.

I would totally adopt that cat and keep her name. I’d call her Clap for short.

As for having the best cat name of all time, Clamidia only has one contender that I’ve heard of, and its tough competition: Roo’s former cat, Poonani.

I could go there, I really could, but I won’t.

You’re welcome.

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8 thoughts on “A great cat name, or the best cat name of all time?

  1. idiotprufs says:

    The name Gonorrhea must have been taken.

  2. ! LOL ! As the proud owner of 2-rescue cats myself (Marty & Maximillian), I was already floored just thinking about the different angles in which you can insert torturous quips about this poor cat’s name–then someone else had to trump ya with Poonani! Just–horribly hilarious! Great reading–made my day!

  3. Oh my that is awesome!
    You really made my day with those phrases xD

  4. Evon Vensel says:

    “This is why I hate the idea of women asking men out or “making the first move” sexually. I hate to say it, but we have to let them think hooking up was their idea all along. That we were swept up in the moment and seduced. That’s why it’s dangerous to pull out all the moves and back flips and toys and whatever too soon. The insecure ones will be intimidated, but you don’t know how to gauge who is insecure and who isn’t.”

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