On my last visit to visit Roo I accompanied her to church. You might not get why that statement alone is funny, but maybe you will when you’ve been reading this blog for a while.
Roo: I’m going to church with D tomorrow.
Me: LOL try not to catch fire when you walk in the door.
Roo: Fuck you.
She’d been going with D to his awful mega church and this was the third part of one of those awful sermon series on giving. Even back in the day when I was attending Crosslegs Church regularly with my family, if we caught wind of one of these sermons coming up we were making a bee line to Skip Church’s Bistro instead.
Aside from the expected condescending money advice (said pastor might actually have more money than God) he had this important wisdom for us to adhere to:
Be like ants.
Ants. The idea was that ants instinctually save up their food and supplies for the winter time, and likewise we should save our money for times of recession yada yada yada. Be like ants! Roo and I made eye contact and it was on.
So we should…
Be attracted to sugary substances?
Carry over 100 times our body weight?
Walk in orderly lines?
Sneak into my kitchen?
Worship our queen?
Show up uninvited to picnics?
And then, oh then, we found this: Eat some freaky fungus and become a zombie?
And thats the lesson I learned from church that Sunday.