Category Archives: super sexy boyfriend Luke

The Curious Incident of the Bassets in the Night-Time

Super Sexy Boyfriend Luke has two basset hounds named Roofus & Roxi. They’re sweet and silly and smelly, which I think defines every basset hound ever. At night they sleep in the laundry/mini mud room to keep them from following their noses into the garbage/recycling. Their dog door is in the laundry room door, but it’s locked at night to keep them from baying at nothing all night (and I mean ALL night). Typically everyone is ok with this situation, until last night.

I woke up at 3:30 to the sound of a basset hound scratching at the floor in the laundry room.

Scratch Scratch Scratch

I rolled over and tried to ignore it, but it was pretty noticeable.

Scratch Scratch SCRATCH

It had been quite a few minutes. I assumed it was Roxi since she’s fond of knocking her food bowl over and then burying the kibble in her blankets so later when you go to do laundry in your bare feet it’s like a mini mine field.

SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH

Ok, I had had enough of dogs keeping me awake. I swung myself out of bed determined to take whatever toy or food she was attempting to bury on the linoleum and finally have some peace and quiet. Something to note at this point, which is a total overshare, but totally makes the story more funny (at least for me) is that I sleep in the nude. I stormed, totally naked, across the house to the laundry. To my surprise, I saw Roofus, not Roxi, scratching at the baby gate keeping them inside.

Something I hadn’t considered in my quest to quiet the dogs, is that, unlike Sammy who simply wags her tail when she notices I’m awake, Roofus and Roxi are basset hounds. The moment they saw me they both began baying at the top of their basset hound lungs. At 3:30am.

Roofus: ROOF ROOF ROOF ROOF!!

Roxi: AHROO AHROO AHROO AHROO!!

Me: NO! AHH! For the love of god be quiet! Luke and the girls are sleeping!!

Bassets: ROOF AHROO AHROO ROOF ROOF!!

I quickly opened the gate into the laundry room to try to quiet them down. Still making as much noise as possible, Roofus began to throw himself at the dog door while Roxi began to throw herself at me.

Me (still naked): No! No jumping! Ow! The claws! Gah the drool! Noooo!

I opened the dog door for Roofus and he bolted outside. I peered through the window to see what the big fuss had been about (turned out the water bowl was outside & he was thirsty). In the fraction of a second I took my attention off of Roxi, she realized that I had left the gate open. She flew through it at the speed of light and careened around the house, nails clacking loudly on the wood floor like a little four legged tap dancer. I sprinted after her, grabbing her by the collar right before she made it through the door to Luke’s room (if he wasn’t already awake he would have been when she dove onto the bed!).  I lead her back to the laundry room, shut the gate behind us, and waited for Roofus to come back inside. Roxi leaned against the dryer and beat her tail against it like a drum BONG BONG BONG until I grabbed it to keep it from wagging.

Finally Roofus returned, I closed the dog door behind him, and then headed back to bed (being sure to close the gate securely behind me). As I crawled back into bed I was convinced I had woken everyone in the house (I don’t think I could have made any more noise if I had let a marching band through the living room) and Luke would be furious since he had to be up in a couple hours. He rolled over and groggily (and non-furiously) asked “errythin’ okay babe?”

Me: OMG babe I’m so sorry! Roofus was scratching cause he was thirsty and then Roxi escaped and I was chasing her naked and-

Luke: ZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZ

Me: ….never mind.

And then finally (FINALLY!) everything was quiet.

…..Until the thunder storm started a half hour later.

Roxi: AAAAHHHHRROOOO! AHHHHROOOOOOOOO!!

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Midnight Munchkin Attack

Super Sexy Boyfriend Luke has two beautiful little girls who live with him two weeks out of the month. They’re his of course, I’m not saying he just has these cute random little girls who come and pester him and eat his food…that’s my job. I haven’t come up with clever nicknames for them yet, so I’ll just call them K & L.

I love them to death, but not having little ones of my own, there have been some things that have taken getting used to. Mostly the way that they’ll show up in his bedroom in the middle of the night. Not because of…reasons *nudge nudge wink wink*, but because they’re absolutely stealthy about it  until they are RIGHT NEXT to the bed. Only then do they say something that wakes me up. And my un-baby-seasoned system, not accustomed to tiny people waking me up at night, is CONVINCED that anyone who is suddenly in the room MUST be an axe murderer.

K (silently moving across the house and appearing beside the bed): …………DADDY I FREW UP! 😦

Me (jumping out of my skin into adrenaline pounding fight or flight mode because theres an invader in the room): AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

K:  AAAHH!*BAARFFF*

Oopsie.

I’m getting better though, earlier this week L came into the room crying that her pillow pet wasn’t in her bed (it had fallen next to the bed) and I did NOT leap up and try to karate chop her, so that’s an improvement.

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I have an addiction

I have an addiction, but the first step is admitting that you have a problem right?

This is the result of my latest breakdown:

canon eos rebel xs film

chicken salt & pepper shakers checking out my new toy

Me: I bought a camera!

Super Sexy Boyfriend Luke: Don’t you have, like, 50?

Me: Yes, but this one is different.

Super Sexy Boyfriend Luke: There is a word used to describe behavior like this, and I think it has “phile” at the end of it.

Me: Or possibly “aholic”.

But it IS different! While I do have 4 other SLRs they all have their own purpose. My current collection (of SLRs at least):

Pentax K1000 – my first SLR. 100% manual, and then even a little more because the meter stopped working :-p It mostly just holds a place in my heart (and on the shelf)

Pentax ZX-5n – my next SLR that I bought because I could use the really fancy JC Penny’s lenses that came with the K1000. AND it had auto advance. I was pimpin. I don’t think it’s been used since I got the next camera on my list…

Canon 20D – my first dSLR! After quite a few years of hard service it’s mostly retired because the AF quit. Though right now it’s on vacation in Japan with my sister & her husband who are artsy enough that they’re cool with that. (it’s kinda retro, ya know?)

Canon 1D– yes, just a 1D no other fancy letters. This is my current workhorse (don’t die of shock), however, it’s an old timer and has started to ask for retirement…several years ago. I’ve told it when it earns me a 5D mkIII it can go into semi-retirement (I’ll keep it around as a backup), but no sooner.

Canon Rebel XS film– The newcomer! I picked it up for all of $10 at Goodwill.  All it needed was a set of batteries, which unfortunately cost $20 :-p It’s film, but since it’s in the EOS family, I can use all my current Canon lenses (except for the kit lens that came with the 20D but I don’t admit to using that one).

So from that list it’s pretty obvious why I need 5 different SLRs…I think.

I’m pretty sure that’s all the SLRs I need for now. Any other vintage/antique/toy camera is another story entirely however.

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Turtle Burgers = Night Terrors

I’ve heard people say that eating rich foods before you go to bed can give you weird dreams, and I definitely think there’s something to that. Last night I had the freakiest flipping nightmare I’ve ever had and what had I eaten that night?

Oh, just a turtle burger.

When my super sexy boyfriend Luke first texted me if I knew what a turtle burger was I was a little…worried. I hadn’t a clue what he was talking about and I was afraid to google it for fear the text had stemmed from an inappropriate workplace conversation and they were something horrible akin to “blue waffles” or “lemonade parties” (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T GOOGLE THOSE!). Turns out turtle burgers are perfectly safe to google as long as you’re not a vegetarian.

If you’re not familiar with turtle burgers they’re a seasoned ground beef patty, wrapped in cheddar cheese, wrapped in woven bacon, with cut hotdog limbs. It’s an adorable little heart attack!… Or a terrifying one if you go off of the pic I found on flickr of one and considering the horrifying night I had later.

08 Turkey Bacon Turtle Burger

Turtle burger, you scare the shit out of me…and not just because you’re kinda creepy looking.

Seriously y’all. This was a straight up horror movie. Like Paranormal Activity combined with one of the billion Saw movies (or at least I think, I don’t watch that scary shit!). I woke up at 4:30 in full fight or flight mode, woke super sexy boyfriend Luke up I was clinging to him so desperately, then made him turn on the lights, and then made him check my phone to make sure it wasn’t being controlled by a demon since that was part of the dream. And yes I realize that’s moderately to extremely crazy, but this was some SCARY SHIT!

While truthfully the turtle burger may not have had anything to do with it, it’s not like I’m super stressed or took some seriously hallucinogenic drugs or ate the mushrooms in the yard, the only thing that was different than normal was the turtle burgers. So in the same way that I unconsciously blame Little Smokies wieners for me giving me the flu when I was 9, I blame turtle burgers for this awful dream.

What do you call fear of turtle burgers? Carnechelonaphobia?

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