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The Curious Incident of the Bassets in the Night-Time

Super Sexy Boyfriend Luke has two basset hounds named Roofus & Roxi. They’re sweet and silly and smelly, which I think defines every basset hound ever. At night they sleep in the laundry/mini mud room to keep them from following their noses into the garbage/recycling. Their dog door is in the laundry room door, but it’s locked at night to keep them from baying at nothing all night (and I mean ALL night). Typically everyone is ok with this situation, until last night.

I woke up at 3:30 to the sound of a basset hound scratching at the floor in the laundry room.

Scratch Scratch Scratch

I rolled over and tried to ignore it, but it was pretty noticeable.

Scratch Scratch SCRATCH

It had been quite a few minutes. I assumed it was Roxi since she’s fond of knocking her food bowl over and then burying the kibble in her blankets so later when you go to do laundry in your bare feet it’s like a mini mine field.

SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH

Ok, I had had enough of dogs keeping me awake. I swung myself out of bed determined to take whatever toy or food she was attempting to bury on the linoleum and finally have some peace and quiet. Something to note at this point, which is a total overshare, but totally makes the story more funny (at least for me) is that I sleep in the nude. I stormed, totally naked, across the house to the laundry. To my surprise, I saw Roofus, not Roxi, scratching at the baby gate keeping them inside.

Something I hadn’t considered in my quest to quiet the dogs, is that, unlike Sammy who simply wags her tail when she notices I’m awake, Roofus and Roxi are basset hounds. The moment they saw me they both began baying at the top of their basset hound lungs. At 3:30am.

Roofus: ROOF ROOF ROOF ROOF!!

Roxi: AHROO AHROO AHROO AHROO!!

Me: NO! AHH! For the love of god be quiet! Luke and the girls are sleeping!!

Bassets: ROOF AHROO AHROO ROOF ROOF!!

I quickly opened the gate into the laundry room to try to quiet them down. Still making as much noise as possible, Roofus began to throw himself at the dog door while Roxi began to throw herself at me.

Me (still naked): No! No jumping! Ow! The claws! Gah the drool! Noooo!

I opened the dog door for Roofus and he bolted outside. I peered through the window to see what the big fuss had been about (turned out the water bowl was outside & he was thirsty). In the fraction of a second I took my attention off of Roxi, she realized that I had left the gate open. She flew through it at the speed of light and careened around the house, nails clacking loudly on the wood floor like a little four legged tap dancer. I sprinted after her, grabbing her by the collar right before she made it through the door to Luke’s room (if he wasn’t already awake he would have been when she dove onto the bed!).  I lead her back to the laundry room, shut the gate behind us, and waited for Roofus to come back inside. Roxi leaned against the dryer and beat her tail against it like a drum BONG BONG BONG until I grabbed it to keep it from wagging.

Finally Roofus returned, I closed the dog door behind him, and then headed back to bed (being sure to close the gate securely behind me). As I crawled back into bed I was convinced I had woken everyone in the house (I don’t think I could have made any more noise if I had let a marching band through the living room) and Luke would be furious since he had to be up in a couple hours. He rolled over and groggily (and non-furiously) asked “errythin’ okay babe?”

Me: OMG babe I’m so sorry! Roofus was scratching cause he was thirsty and then Roxi escaped and I was chasing her naked and-

Luke: ZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZ

Me: ….never mind.

And then finally (FINALLY!) everything was quiet.

…..Until the thunder storm started a half hour later.

Roxi: AAAAHHHHRROOOO! AHHHHROOOOOOOOO!!

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Why you probably shouldn’t read this blog

This is about my fifth or sixth attempt to start a blog which is a pretty good reason to stop reading right there. Cowgirl isn’t always the most consistent ….and sometimes she refers to herself in the third person as “cowgirl”. Who does that?

My business is mediocre, despite being an awesome photographer if I do say so myself (and I do say so!).

Because of that mediocre business, I live at home. Most certainly not because I want to, but because landlords are pretty particular about wanting for you to PAY rent. Picky picky. So you can probably add loser to the list :-/

I curse. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes I even say fuck. Just like that

Also “bat-shit crazy” and “ass hat”. And “douche canoe” thats a good one. You probably shouldn’t expose your virgin ears to such a thing.

But I’m starting this damn thing anyway, even if you probably shouldn’t read it, even if I hide it from the people who know me for a while, because I feel like I have stories to tell. Stories that might entertain others because they’re funny or interesting or even just flat out nuts. And who knows, maybe I can even find other swearing losers who refer to themselves in the third person who can relate.

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